We had a tough start to our parenthood journey, as many people do. We got pregnant quickly but had a miscarriage at 7 weeks, which was hard to process… all I wanted was to be a mum and kind of felt as though it wouldn’t happen to me. It was really tough, and all I wanted was to get back to trying.
After 8 weeks I still hadn’t got my period back, so I went to my OB, who referred me to an ultrasound with fluid to inflate my uterus. “Worst case scenario is it’s Asherman’s syndrome, but it won’t be that,” she said. Cut to my appointment—which was a very unpleasant experience—and sure enough, I had Asherman’s syndrome.
Nobody had ever mentioned this to me before. What was this thing? Well, it’s when your uterus is healing from a D&C, and the tissue of the uterine wall sticks together, making it smaller and uninhabitable… hence, no period. I was devastated that nobody had warned me about this as a potential side effect—one pregnancy and I was now damaged!
Luckily, an amazing doctor, Dr Vancaille, performed a procedure that restored my uterus to its original size. But this was probably the most stressful six months I had ever gone through. I couldn’t wait to start trying again and was so deflated about how long that whole process had taken.
We got pregnant on the first try—I couldn’t believe my luck! So we could get pregnant after all that! But I was so anxious. What was going to happen? Would it be okay? Would it last this time? I was constantly running to the bathroom to check whenever I felt anything, just to make sure it wasn’t blood.
I didn’t tell anyone, not even family, until we reached 14 weeks, and most people I didn’t tell until 20 weeks. I didn’t read books because I was too anxious, and I didn’t want to increase my levels of anxiety. I couldn’t bear the thought of it going away and being even more attached to this little miracle inside me.
Around 24 weeks it began to feel real, and I could enjoy it more—but even then, I was still nervous. What would happen if the baby came too early? What would happen if I had complications from my Asherman’s syndrome? Would I have gestational diabetes? These were things I worried about pretty consistently.
As we neared the end, I couldn’t wait to meet our daughter. We had come up with a name and had a Caesarean booked in. All in all, apart from the anxiety, my pregnancy had been pretty good! I’d had some pretty nasty pains from around 20 weeks, but otherwise, I couldn’t complain. I’d enjoyed being pregnant—which I know a lot of people don’t.
The birth was great—she was born as scheduled, and we had our little girl, finally! The recovery was tough—much more so than I expected. It was really hard to walk or even shower, and getting her when she cried was a challenge.
The hospital was intense. She cried a lot and had difficulty latching when my milk came in, so we had a few sleepless nights in hospital, no time for day naps due to construction happening at the time, and went home feeling absolutely exhausted.
Then the colic hit like a tonne of bricks. People say parenting is hard, but holy crap. She never stopped crying. She was pulling off my breast, arching her back, screaming so much she wouldn’t eat. She cried and cried, and people would say “babies cry,” like this was normal and we weren’t strong enough to handle it.
We were constantly checking her temperature, thinking something must be wrong—she must be sick. We called Tresillian and Healthdirect for advice on multiple occasions, with little to show for it. We went into Tresillian residential three times for help because she just never stopped.
We felt like bad parents, and watching her in so much pain constantly was heartbreaking. All I had wanted was this little girl, and I just couldn’t wait for this phase to be over. I had so much guilt for wishing away her newborn days.
We were trying everything—and I mean everything—to help her. I went to osteo, physio, paediatricians, GPs, lactation consultants, Tresillian, family health centres for advice—all with different strategies. I got so confused about how to help her.
I felt as though nobody took me seriously about how terrible it was, because of course every time we went anywhere, she behaved like a perfect angel. At 12 weeks—when the paediatrician saw us again—she was still miserable, and the doctor was no longer convinced that this would pass on its own, and I finally felt heard.
By this point I had also given up eating dairy, soy, gluten, eggs, coffee (no caffeine postpartum—what a joke!), and there wasn’t much left to cut out of my diet. At this stage, she was coming off the breast crying and crying at almost every feed, and my husband and I were also crying daily. It was getting out of control.
We went to Tresillian and saw their in-house paediatrician, who recommended trying a rice-based allergy formula. I had been recommended to try a formula previously from my own paediatrician, however with all the “breast is best” noise I was hearing, I was reluctant.
After a day where I literally could not get my baby to latch on without her screaming, I succumbed and asked my husband to pick up the formula—we just needed a Hail Mary. I was devastated and cried a lot at the thought of giving up breastfeeding. I’d loved it so much, and all my more recent memories of it had been scarring due to her intense crying and pulling off. I felt like I hadn’t got to enjoy it enough to stop. But I told myself this was just a trial, and if it didn’t work, I could go back to feeding her again.
We started the trial at 14 weeks, and I pumped every feed she took with a bottle. We were instructed to do this for two weeks, to make sure that if the formula didn’t work, I could go back to breastfeeding.
I kid you not, within 72 hours, she was a new baby! It was mad! I couldn’t believe I’d been struggling for so long! I was still very upset about not feeding anymore, but to see my girl happy and have periods of 15 minutes without tears was a new experience.
We are now six months in, and have the most amazing baby girl ever. I can’t believe what we went through. I look back and feel like—how did we survive that? And also, how is she so amazing now? I’d do it all again for her, but next time I won’t wait to pull the trigger and try the formula.
If anyone is going through this, please know you are not alone—and it does improve!
Anna