One thing I wish people told me, and one thing I now tell everyone: It won’t all be rainbows and sunshine. People always talk about how amazing having a baby is, and everywhere you look, you see mums who seem to have it all together. Yes, having a baby is an incredible experience, but it’s also really hard. And it’s okay to think it’s hard, to cry, or to ask for help. The first oxytocin rush is amazing—it keeps you going for a few days in that love bubble. But when it wears off, things can feel overwhelming. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong or failing. The most important thing to remember? It does get better. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t feel guilty if all you’ve done today is keep your baby alive (that alone is a huge achievement!). It’s okay to cry when you need to. Trust your instincts, and let go of any expectations for at least the first month after birth. Give yourself grace, and no matter how hard it feels, believe in yourself. One thing a friend said to me really stuck: “For every solution, there is a problem.” I laughed at first, thinking she’d gotten it backwards, but she explained: “No, I mean it—every solution comes with its own challenges.” Take breastfeeding, for example. If you’re struggling, the solution might be switching to formula. But formula has its own challenges—paying for it, sterilising bottles, prepping feeds. If you stick with breastfeeding, you might face different problems—like not being able to leave your baby for long, or worrying about their reactions to something you’ve eaten. The same goes for nappies—disposables vs. cloth. Cloth nappies might save you money in the long run, but they require extra time and effort to wash, dry, and organise. Disposable nappies are more convenient but can get expensive. Her point was that parenting is hard—there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. But almost everyone you talk to who has had a baby has been through something similar. They’ve faced the same struggles and found ways to cope. So reach out. Share what you’re struggling with. More often than not, someone will have advice or simply words of understanding that remind you—you’re never alone in this. You’re doing an amazing job, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Nat H.