Exposure therapy. That was the gem of a comment from other patients in the waiting room today when I took my son for his 18-month vaccinations. It’s no secret that my child has been a champion screamer since birth—well, he was actually silent when he was born, which was scary for a whole range of reasons. But today, he was screaming- loud and relentlessly. I’d brought my sister along for moral support, probably more for me than for him. Given what my husband and I experienced a few weeks ago with his first haircut, I knew this was going to be a challenge.
He was briefly distracted by Miss Rachael on the phone, but once we went in for the consult with the doctor, the real drama began.
My sister took him outside so I could quickly discuss his medical history with the new doctor and even from inside the room, I could hear the intensity of the screaming and knew this was going to be a shit show.
My anxiety was peaking already because I knew he was going to scream so much he would spew- it’s what he does. I was trying to stay composed, laugh it off, and smile at everyone watching us as we made our way to the nurse’s station. The nurses were incredibly kind and accommodating, but I could tell they were probably thinking, “we haven’t even touched the kid yet!?”
The bubble machines weren’t helping nor was fucking Miss Rachel, and then I heard the cough that meant his sensitive gag reflex was about to kick in. Sure enough, he started projectile vomiting.
I telepathically told my sister to get some paper towels and said under my breath, please, don’t let this turn into a fucking scene (it was most certainly already a scene) I really don’t want to be the one crying next.
Despite my efforts, I couldn’t calm him down. I looked at the nurses and said, this is just how he is. I think we might have traumatized him with that haircut a few weeks ago, so let’s just get these needles over with.
I pinned his arms down while they gave him a jab in each arm and one in his leg. It reminded me of having to have two ladies pierce my ears at the same time so I didn’t run off down the street with one ear pierced and too scared to get the second one done. The screaming was intense and very dramatic, which I should be used to by now, but it still rattled me. I knew he’d be fine once we got outside and his white collar fever disappeared, but what bothered me most today, was hearing other patients suggest he needed exposure therapy, as if I haven’t been doing everything I can to expose him to new experiences.
I thought, he’s been to the doctor four times and a hairdresser in the past month. This is just how he reacts. At 18 months old, he’s fully aware of what’s going on and isn’t a fan of strangers with needles or scissors and I know it’s pathetic but it is what it is.
Today was a reminder for pre-baby me: don’t judge other people’s screaming children or give the mum a hard look, because she might be on the verge of tears and a breakdown over something that seems small. You really have no control over how your child behaves in public. As soon as we were outside, he was happily sucking on his lollipop and stayed quiet for the rest of the day- even threw in a 2 hour sleep after the ordeal.
I think I’ve just given my sister a decade’s worth of contraception after today’s chaos.