Sleep training... or mental breakdown?

Sleep training isn’t always the answer to a baby that won’t sleep.

We tried and failed. Not that you can fail sleep training as I’ve now come to realise but I felt like we had failed. Rudy still doesn’t sleep well over night and never has. He’s slept through the night a total of 5 times. He’s nearly 17 months old..

I read all of the things, paid all of the money and got sucked into a world of promised sleep and fear of judgement if we didn’t train him to be a good sleeper. I didn’t want to keep making a rod for my own back and all of these sleep consultants were extremely convincing in their arguements and most of their information did actually make sense.

The one thing I think that is consistently

omitted from their advice is that not every baby has the temperament for sleep training.

Our baby was already highly strung and needed a lot of sensory input to get to sleep (bouncing on the fit ball in the room of doom or a very specific jiggle and rock with lots of shooshing and white noise) and he was out of the womb 6 weeks earlier than he should have been. He didn’t get skin to skin contact when he was born, he had to wait 3 days for that. But, everything I was reading was telling me I had to start training him if I wanted to feel human again. And I also felt I couldn’t complain about getting no sleep if I wasn’t “doing” something about it.

I read all of the positive reviews and finally made the decision to purchase the program and start implementing it.

I was anxious and frazzled already. I was taking notes from the slideshow and panicking about minutes in the day and wake windows and sleep pressure and I was more stressed at the thought of getting the training right, rather than the prospect of the inevitable crying- because this kid screamed constantly anyway.

We stuck to the program for a whole 2 hours.

I sat on the lounge timing the intervals with tears in my eyes and messaging the neighbours apologising for the screaming.

Rudy was so worked up but I had read the reviews that said persistence was key. So I kept going.

The first hour was up and he had gone hoarse from the screaming. He already had a hernia from crying so much due to his reflux and being in the harness and now he’d given himself a burst blood vessel in his eye.

He was persistent with the screaming.

At the two hour mark I said to my husband I would rather not sleep and just sit in the rocking chair with him until he falls asleep. I can’t do this anymore. Thank fuck he agreed.

And so we stopped. I picked up my baby and started googling failed sleep training.

I then came across the term orchid baby.

It can be summed up by having a highly sensitive baby that needs near perfect conditions to thrive. They become overstimulated easily, display intense emotional reactions and rely on a higher level of parental input to fall asleep.

Halle fucking lujah.

Someone had described my baby and said it was ok to not sleep train and they would probably fail anyway. It was a huge relief to know it wasn’t because I was a sook and gave in to my babies crying, but simply that some babies don’t have the temperament or developmental capabilities to sleep well without our input.

I’ve tried to remember this about Rudy in the challenging moments. He needs more than some babies and that’s ok. I’m fucking exhausted but it’s not his fault and we’re still alive so far so hopefully it can only improve.

I really wished that sleep training had been the answer for us and I’m stoked it works for others, but if sleep training isn’t your thing- it doesn’t matter. If you try and it doesn’t work- who cares. If you try and it works- enjoy that sleep for me plz 🥲🙏🏼

 If you are feeling lost with baby’s sleep and feel like a failure I highly suggest following a range of sleep pages on Instagram, ones that explore all of the “methods”, the ones that don’t “condone” sleep training, the ones that offer “gentle” approaches as well as those suggested in your mums Facebook pages.

Once you’ve read lots of different opinions you’ll find some that resonate with you and you’ll be able to find an answer that feels right for you and your baby- not what you think society wants you to do.