Our baby was born right on 34 weeks. My waters broke spontaneously and he was delivered via emergency cesearean as he was still breach- I was supposed to start spinning babies the next day... my obsessive research had shown a myriad of techniques and poses to turn babies- the effectiveness of these I guess I'll never know.
I hadn't had any experience with babies being in special care, only from what I had observed on social media, so when we were thrown into this new world of tubes, machines and neonatologists I really had no idea what we were in for.
The neontal intensive care unit is where your baby will go if they need assistance following their delivery. The scale of help required and the severity of their condition is vast.
During our 17 days in NICU we saw babies come and go- we outlasted them all except for one other tiny baby, which was a challenge I didn't know how to tackle. I was grateful our baby was making progress but it wasn't quick enough and I was feeling robbed of the newborn experience.
But then again, I knew nothing else. This was our normal.
Rudy started his journey on the ventilator which was a scary piece of equipment- it was breathing for him. We weren't allowed to make sudden movements or touch him too much as he needed to conserve as much energy as possible. The first few days were filled with gentle talking and touch whilst we listened to the doctors discuss his vitals and what the plan of attack was. We basically had to sit quietly and be patient.
He needed to get strong enough to move to the CPAP machine (the baby breathes on their own with support from the continuous positive airway pressure) and increase his tube feeds from 3ml, to 6ml to 12ml.
This all happened slowly over the next few days and by day 3 I was able to hold my baby for the first time.
It was awkward and clunky. I was shitting myself. I didn't want to hurt him or pull a tube out or knock the monitors off his tiny feet.
He looked like a skinned rabbit and I felt sorry for him. I felt sorry for myself and my husband.
It wasn't what I'd imagined at all.
We had been robbed of the skin to skin contact, we couldn't see his tiny facial features under all his headgear breathing for him, we couldn't share him with our family, when he opened his eyes he saw us but hidden by a face mask due to covid restrictions and I truly felt ripped off.
None of my podcasts or education talked about having a baby in the NICU.
As the days passed, I began to realise we were all going to be ok- it fucking sucked but it was just going to take time.
Rudy was reaching milestones and we had a daily routine that saw me at the hospital at least three times a day to feed and change him and sit and watch him. My husband came every evening after work for an hour and did his best to jolly me along and remind me he's in the best place possible.
We got more confident handling him (as if he was some wild animal ready to wake up at any moment) and we started to feel like we were a little family that might actually make it to the other side.
I had a few mental breakdowns in there- luckily it was covid times so we were always wearing a mask to hide my tears- but now as I look back on it I have some advice for fellow mums who have a baby in the NICU.
• It's your baby- they know who you are even if you didn't get to meet them for long following delivery
• Skin to skin contact is great- BUT it's not the end of the world if it doesn't happen straight away (my baby knows exactly who I am and I held him on day 3)
• You won't hurt them when you hold them-they're tough little miracles
• The tubes and machines look scary to begin with, but you'll get used to it. You'll start to learn what different alarms mean and most of the time it's nothing to be concerned about- don't worry until the nurses are worrying!
• Their skin will heal quickly- the tape holding the tubes in will irritate their delicate skin but it will disappear
• Take all the photos and videos!! You'll need to look back on this later and heal yourself- it's a traumatic experience
• Befriend the midwives- these ladies are angels on earth. They care for your baby when you aren't there and are full of knowledge
• You can have a say to some degree about what's happening with your baby. Towards the end we pushed for Rudy to be doing more suck feeds and it paid off- he proved the doctors wrong and we went home a day early!
• "Cares"- this is what changing nappies etc is referred to- doing their "cares". Try and work out what time this is being done each day and be there to help and then do it yourself. It was scary but after a few days we worked out where to put the tubes and cords while we changed and cleaned him. You'll need all the practice you can get before you go home!
• Don't worry about bringing in clothes for your baby- you'll have enough washing to do later and the hospital has a tonne of tiny clothes that are donated to borrow- decreases the chance of things getting lost also!
• Take a stretchy jersey fabric swaddle- easy to wrap them in around the cords and feels a bit nicer
• Shift change- try and be there for the doctor and nurse handover- you'll hear the complete rundown of your babies progress and the plan for the day
- I took my own dressing gown to wear when I was pumping and holding Rudy instead of the hospital gown- it was a small comfort and smelt like me
• Water bottle- your main job is making milk at the moment so you need to be hydrated!
• You'll need to be labelling every bottle of milk you make so bring a pen and make sure you keep your stickers up to date- it becomes very systematic which I thrived on.
• Breast pump- you'll be madly pumping to increase your supply as well as stock the fridge down there with your milk for when you're not available to feed. You can borrow the hospital pump as well- handy to figure it all out with the midwives right there!